T day

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving...

I have been mulling over a conversation I had with Bill last night about the meaning of Christmas and giving kids gifts and what is over-doing it etc. I have come the a conclusion that part of the reason I am so attached to Christmas is it is an unspoiled holiday for me. The joy of giving and receiving is what is about and, therefore, I don't have a problem with kids getting multiple gifts from Santa parents grandparents etc... They truly believe in this magical mythical night.

Thanksgiving on the other hand, is a bit more spoiled for me. I have been thinking of all the memories I have of the holiday and I can see glimpses of setting the table in the living room (the dining room was never big enough for our family), making pies with my mom and playing pinochle after with my grandfather. The Thanksgivings that I remember in the best detail, though, are all surrounded by deep sorrow. One was the last thanksgiving with Mickey. I remember his hospital bed set up in the green room, and I remember how quiet the atmosphere was, as if every one was walking on egg shells instead of the normal loud happy family. I remember how we all stood up to say grace and we prayed around Mickey's bed, I remember us watching a move after dinner, and, mostly, I remember how he died less than 2 weeks later. Another, was the thanksgiving after finding out about my father. I was here with Bill, and no matter what he did I couldn't shake the feeling of abandonment. Not because my father betrayed everyone, not because I was having Thanksgiving at Bill's home and I didn't have any family there for me, but because I feel like I wasn't there for my mom--my poor mother whose life had just shattered around her in the a billion pieces. I remember last year, which was a wonderful Thanksgiving with every one happy and healthy, but what I remember of that is that before we had printed pictures of this holiday, I received a phone call on the 7th that my great-grandfather had pasted away overnight, not making it a year since I had lost my great-grandmother and he, his wife. So, for some reason I can't remember happy memories about this day. I hope that as Bill and I start hosting our own meals this year, I can open a new chapter in my memories, one with happy moments to be treasured forever.

Happy thanksgiving everyone. I hope you have a safe and happy day full of good food and good friends.

Sarah